There has been a lot of discussion recently where there is strong disagreement, even about how to discuss the disagreement. Here’s a few thoughts on the matter.
The thing I personally find the most annoying is when someone thinks what someone else says is inappropriate and says so, it seems like the inevitable response is to scream censorship. When people do that, I’m pretty sure they don’t know what the word censorship actually means. Debian/Ubuntu/Insert Project Name Here resources are not public spaces and no government is telling people what they can and can’t say.
When you engage in speech and people respond to that speech, even if you don’t feel all warm and fuzzy after reading the response, it’s not censorship. It’s called discussion.
When someone calls out speech that they think is inappropriate, the proper response is not to blame a Code of Conduct or some other set of rules. Projects that have a code, also have a process for dealing with claims the code has been violated. Unless someone invokes that process (which almost never happens), the code is irrelevant. What’s relevant is that someone is having a problem with what or how you are saying something and are in some way hurt by it.
Let’s focus on that. The rules are irrelevant, what matters is working together in a collegial way. I really don’t think project members actively want other project members to feel bad/unsafe, but it’s hard to get outside ones own defensive reaction to being called out. So please pay less attention to how you’re feeling about things and try to see things from the other side. If we can all do a bit more of that, then things can be better for all of us.
Final note: If you’ve gotten this far and thought “Oh, that other person is doing this to me”, I have news for you – it’s not just them.